Back From Planet X...

Day; 238. Overcast, snowy, really cold

Temperature on outside kiln; 29 degrees
Kiln firings; watching the Big Mama Kiln Cool
Music in the Studio; early Jackson Browne ( For Everyman & Saturate Before Using)

Best/Happiest moment of the day (so far!); Waking up in my big bed and realizing I could be/do/have anything I set my mind to...

Day five of the New Year and I am finally able to write something... I have been on a different planet for 6 weeks now ( after a major and serious burnout) and I have just  returned from the comfortable cave that I inhabited there....

I sorta miss my cave though; large warm bed, private TV with Netflix, lots of good books, and  roaring kiva fireplace two feet from this particular cozy perch...  But it is time to leave... I am ready to join my tribe again and get back to my life, but a different one..

One that is not killing me as I live it... One that isn't hectic and crazy, one that is not 100% work and 0% play.. But one that IS; happy, slow, creative, fun, music-filled, sweet, adventureous, active, thriving, abundant... in a word; sustainable. Something that my old 2015 life was definitely not! To get to this point I had to STOP  everything and remain in one place for, well,  6 weeks, so that is what I did. In the guise of bronchitis (an excuse to stay in bed off and on through November and December) I had an undistracted view of my life and I realized I was drifting towards some serious rocks. As my Dear Handsome Husband held down the fort, walked the dogs, fed me soup, I laid in bed and slept, watched movies, read, laughed, cried, daydreamed, freaked-out, and breathed.

Somewhere around week 4-5 I gave up the struggle I had been waging for, I don't know, the last 20 years?! This was immeasurably hard to do; as a child of two depression-era parents, if you want to succeed in life/business, you just work harder... and harder...
But it wasn't working for me, I was getting sick every two years, and I was as broke as the day I got out of grad school, clearly I needed to let go of some very out-dated notions I was dearly holding on to.
But I am nothing if not stubborn, so I held on, and held on, and twisted in the wind, all the while knowing I needed a break but could not figure out how to do it...

Most especially with winter coming on ( the slowest time of the year)  and with two MAJOR  commissions sitting on my work table, I was not about to give up and go to bed for 6 weeks, and yet I did... I somehow just knew this time was different and that if  I didn't change I was not going to live to a ripe old age... AND I WANT TO!!
So, I am still reading, breathing, watching old Streisand movies, eating soup, and relaxing next to the fire, but just not all day and night now. I have crept, chagrined, back to the studio and am slowly, very slowly, finishing the two commissions I started last  November. But I am also dancing, singing, playing with the dogs, soaking in the tub, and thanking my lucky stars...
Somehow I knew what I needed to do to avoid crashing and burning completely and had the wherewithal and support to pull it off. I am so proud of myself and  my husband, and look forward to this New Year with child-like glee...I now know I can create a life that sustains me and that is joyful at the same time.

What ever Great Spirit/Source accompanied me these past 6 weeks, I am so very exceedingly grateful to you,  I really think I could not have done this without you...