Day; 237. Sunny and cold, but beautiful. Deep blue sky with crisp air.
Temperature on the outside kiln; 25 degrees
kiln firings; none
music in the studio; none
The last day of the year, December 31st... Relaxed in bed and then had my sister come over and examine throat and ears.. not lookin' that bad so no more antibiotics, so that is good news. She did prescribe some Magic Mouthwash to gargle with that will hopefully help with the sore throat...
After that I had to compose and send a difficult e-mail to my fellow Magpie's...I just don't feel ready to return to singing quite yet and I had to let the girls' band know I would not be back to making music with them in January. It was hard for me, it is actually one of the few really positive things going on in my life outside of work. But I have no voice right now, so singing is out. Since my energy level seems to ebb and flow and it is unpredictable, I just had to tell them that I would be back but I didn't know when... I hope it can be held together until my return, I so want to sing with them all again...
So, a new year, a new way of working/living/loving. For whatever reason this year feels different, like I finally get that unless I stop working myself to death, I will eventually succeed in that endeavor... More concretely than ever I see that my life is not sustainable in the way I have been living it, and that is very hard to admit to myself. I feel like I have failed as an artist/business woman. But there has to be an easier way; a way of making a living doing what I love that doesn't kill me physically/spiritually in the process. I have had to stop looking at other potters on Instagram as well , something that I love to do, but all it was currently bringing me was frustration instead of inspiration. I loved looking at their work but then I would think, they can do it, why can't I? It just stopped being helpful. Comparing myself to others constitutes resistance, and keeps me focused on what I don't want instead of what I do.
So, now I am committed to looking for and finding abundance in my everyday life, that which surrounds me already, and being thankful for it. I truly believe a life lived in gratitude is the way forward, other than that I haven't got a clue.....
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